Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Embrace your inner girl

A friend of mine posted this on Facebook the other day and unlike most things that people post on Facebook, I chose not to ignore it. And I am glad that I didn't. This is a powerful talk by Eve Ensler, the woman who started The Vagina Monologues and it includes a conclusion out of the pages of her new book "I Am an Emotional Creature The Secret Life of Girls Around the World".

I have always considered myself an emotional creature. I have always been an emotive person, a sensitive. I feel it all, as they say. And I was always given the impression that that was a bad thing. Whether it was crying because I was sad, or spazzing out jumping on things, talking 100 miles a minute when excited, I have been told time after time after time in life that I shouldn't be that way. Through high school and undergrad, there was always some form of the behavior police around. When I moved away to Pittsburgh in 2004, I was thrust into a world where I was all by myself and nobody new me. There and then, I embraced my emotional self. Or what was left of it. A small small sliver, a remnant.

For most of my life I had been stifling it, so even when I had the freedom to emote as I pleased, my learned behavior ruled for the most part. I went from being a crier, to someone who rarer cried. I went from being overly and easily verbal about my feelings (even good/great one), to being apprehensive of sharing. The freedom alone did not make the memory or sentiment go away. It hung on like Catholic guilt, hovering there to make me question myself. But "I am an Emotional Creature!", damnit. That is who I am. And I realized as I watched this video that in my life I have let myself be taught to not be a girl. And I like what Eve says, that being a girl is so powerful that we have tried to train everyone in the world to not be one.

I want to embrace my inner girl, because therein lies my personal power. A personal power that says I am going to chase after my dreams and follow my heart with passion. A personal power that I have not truly felt in my adult life. I can see that because it is reflected in so much of my angst and searching that I have discussed at length here. I have not felt empowered to go after my dreams, I have always felt like I had to go a safe, responsible route. I do not have to choose that anymore.

I have been feeling for a while like I am gaining momentum (for the first time in a long time) and that things are gathering force, this was a lovely reminder that I am empowered to be swept up in that momentum and pursue my heart's desire. As are we all.

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