Friday, November 13, 2009

In 10 years



"Where do you see yourself in 10 years?" That is a loaded question, one that I shudder to ask, but asked nonetheless recently. As soon as the words escaped my lips, I had to think for a second if I had an answer should the tables be turned and it asked of I.

I have never been one to adhere to convention. I never envisioned myself or fell into living my life like a series of destinations to be checked off the list... college, check. married, check. kids, check. What now...oh check....I have always lived my life with calculated risk. While this style of living has inherently ushered in its own set of psychological pitfalls, I have navigated them as best I can and come to a point in my life where I honestly, truly embrace that I am who I am and I live my life according to the philosophy that "in 10 years" I hope to be (still) happy, I hope to still be embracing the fact that (as I said to myself one dark, depressing, snowy day last winter) in 10 years everything will be different and I won't even remember this moment. And the moments I do remember will be mere stepping stones along the continuous journey.

This is particularly interesting to ponder over the next 6 months as I approach the milestone of my 10 year high school reunion. I think, wow 10 years?!?! Really! Has is really been that long? When the reality is, I have lived a life so dense since then that it might be argued, has it really only been that short? I have lived all over the world, experienced fantastic food, wine and people all over. I have had several reincarnations of careers, I have loved, I have lost, I have experienced. I have truly lost track of time.

For me then the answer is not "where do you see yourself in 10 years?" (which inherently implies a definition) but "what are some of the things, feelings, experiences you want to have in the next 10 years? What are some goals that you would like to cultivate?". I think the very nature of this blog spells out the answer of how I would answer. I want to see where my path leads me, I want to continue to stay open to the world, I want to continue to take calculate risks. I also want to stay patient and grounded.

Practically speaking, I would love to travel more. I would love to solidify my home here in San Francisco to a point where I feel like I have squeezed all I can out of it, so that I can go on to other adventures. I want to run and run and run and compete for a while (never stop running!). I want to open a cafe that serves beautiful espresso in the morning and charming delightful wines at night, pastry and salads and sandwiches in between. Walls covered in local artists and songs playing that make you say, "I love that, but I've never heard it before". I want to work really really hard on this labor of love and have it be a success. If it happens, that would be beautiful. If that is not what life has in store for me, than I look forward to seeing what life DOES. I see myself at a high table at my cafe with my notebook working through notes for a cookbook or novel, the smell of ginger cookies mingling with hot tea and coffee. So I guess I do see myself somewhere specific, but not in the way that that question is often posed. I am not hatching a plan from here to there. I note the desire, the interest, the goal. I live my life in a way that will build the foundation for those things to occur in life and then see what unfolds.

I think for me, I want to continue to live Amor Fati. Hic et Nunc. My little motto. Accepting and embracing my fate and whatever comes, living in the here and now. I find myself at this particular moment, absolutely fascinated by the possibility of how things will unfold in the next 10 years. Absolutely jaw droppingly fascinated. I just imagine the possibilities and it is so freaking cool to try and take them all in. Really there is limitless potential in life where things will go. I look forward to the journey!

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