I feel good. I feel accomplished. I feel strong and powerful. At least, I can tell myself and almost believe it. In all honesty, I have experienced a solid month of being blissed out, satisfied, centered and present, with only a few minor exceptions. It is like my little boat has been smooth sailing across a glassy calm ocean. It is nice.
But what keeps me motivated, what keeps me from always being lost in a daydream and just floating along is when the waters churn up and waves start crashing. In the movie Where the Wild Things Are, Max sails across the ocean in a little dingy boat. At times his little sail slices him along a crystal seam and other times the waves are six times higher the mast of the boat and it looks like his little boat and the wolf-costumed Max will be carried asunder. He always makes it through, we all do. But that scene, and the tempestuous seas that come up in our lives remind me of two things. The first thing that it reminds me is that there will always be storms, stress and waves that rise up and cast so far above our heads that we can't see a possible future that doesn't include lungs full of sea water and pulling kelp out of our hair. And two, that being so, we will still make it through and find peace again.
On Friday, I thought my head was going to pop off. I thought the waves were going to overwhelm me. When the storm hit, it hit me in every direction. I could barely ladle the bucketfuls of water out of my little boat fast enough. I gnashed my teeth and paced about, but I was driven and focused. I funneled all of my mental power on solving the problems and just solved them instead of just emoting about them. I was even able to see the storm in slow enough motion to be able to take the helping hands of others outside of the storm and let me be buoyed by their strength, their calm and yet, not them draw them in with me. The lithe little tethers the offered me were like the arms of a parent hoovering beneath a child trying the monkey bars for the first time. I was allowed to fall, fail, strike out and barrel towards the waiting ground but the last minute saving grace would be there if need be. And it is funny how that motivates a person like me to make sure each hand hold I make is firm, that my momentum is strong reaching out for the next bar. Knowing that the support is there and unwavering, I was inspired to not take that lightly or opt for it too easily. I feel I can aspire to much greater heights because I have that support behind me. I felt that I was able to keep a calmer heart and mind, because those around me were not drawn into the storm and I didn't draw them in. It was so, well, adult. And just like that, I was (perhaps a bit battered and bruised, but no worse for the wear) smooth sailing again. I put my hands on my knees, take a feel gaspingly deep breathes and proceed onward.
Sometimes the storms like that just ambush us, sometimes where we want to ultimately go is directly on the other side of some stormy seas and we have to choose to barrel headfirst into the murky, choppy waters. I feel like I have done that in parts of my life. I have taken the reigns on my budget, I have empowered myself to choose and embrace a home (yes finally!!!), I feel good about accomplishing these goals. I have however, not dug deep enough, not far fear enough, not thrown myself head long into the storm of accomplishing my goals in regards to my food and food blogging. Maybe I am taken over by the fear, maybe I cannot see a clear enter (or exit strategy), maybe it just seems overwhelming, but I have not come far enough in accomplishing I want. The experience of this past Friday reminds me that no matter what comes up, I will get through it. I need to proceed on without fear. Go forward courageously and embrace my passion. I have been inspired by the likes of my friend Bryon Powell who gave up his career as a lawyer to march in the unknown and make a life for himself as a writer and iRunFar editor in chief. I feel like I keep waiting on the sidelines for the right time, the right entry, the right calming of the storm. It's time though, to barrel headfirst into the oncoming winds with a (not too) reckless (but informed) abandon. Sometimes we have to accept that we are empowered to get the things we want or at least pursue them and sometime we have to accept that what we say we want, we really don't want that much. I do. I want it. And so I must do it. It is time.
On my original posting on The Delicious Journey, I put a series of goals/tasks that I wanted to accomplish through the project of this accountability blog. I have ticked off a few, put a few into the works but the goals below are now my focus. I am now turning my sights on these, turning my ship directly towards the harder path, the choppier (maybe, maybe not!) water and proceeding forward.
- Weekly original recipe blog on my food website: Fast Foodie.
- Weekly "cook the book"recipe blog on my food website: Fast Foodie.
- Weekly restaurant review blog on my food website: Fast Foodie.
- Weekly food/product reviews on my food website: Fast Foodie.
- Weekly running blog on my running blog: The (Ultra) Marathon Life.
- Regularly write, track and blog my progress and journey here (on The Delicious Journey)
- Blog authority:
- Become "the source" for nutrition/gourmet for athletes. Develop my websites content, look and online presence.
- Write the cookbook(Gourmet foods for athletes, no that is not the title, because that would be a lame title).
- Edit, re-write, develop recipes and write recipes to include in the book
- Find a publisher or at least look at my options
- Get a nutrition certification.
- Part of becoming a "source" for something is having the expertise. I want my blog to not only draw from my culinary education but from a nutritional one too (though arguably my culinary education from Bauman College was such a collision). I would love to take this program at Bauman College.
- Take continuing education classes in both food and writing.
- NEW Editions:
- Open a gluten free/friendly cafe in San Francisco. There I said it. I dream it. I think it would be amazing. Difficult yes. Pull my fingernails out with pliers, sure. But bliss inducing, heck yeah.
- Write a novel. I have a fun idea in mind for a young adult novel.
- Start a line of my own products, whether it is bars, gluten free treats, pantry items or kombucha